maybe now it’s time to be me. a real me. I'm not saying that I’m a fake or plastic person who have a two different identity in front of other people..yes,, i have a friends. a little. i don’t know how i must take care of their heart because when i talking, im not talking what about my feels even its very hurt. i juz say “yes” n don’t know how to say “no”. and yet, they alway pushing me into the hard situation. i assume that when i say “yes” its meant i was take care of their feeling but it hurt my heart deeply!! i have a courage, but i dont know to use it. my mom always said that i use my courage at the “wrong place”.
before between 2005-2007
i was a shy, untalkative, secretive, arrogance person. i have no friends. juz one or two friends who are keep all my secrets inside. i do not know how to communicate with people. i juz watching my friends, socialize with other people in school. and what i do when they are talking each other?? i juz sit at my chair, take my note n text book at the desk n watching them talking while i talk to myself silently inside.
im not a schema gurl anymore. i was expressed my feels, my courage at the PLKN. i was being myself at the camp. i’m very proud becouse i was found myself there.but its, no longer when i in part2 at uitm.. it ruin myself.. i not anymore “me”.. i was transform to be a dirty me.. its totally not me.not at the part1. i became hate myself n be a new me who like to enjoy the gurl feels with the fashion, make up, stylish n the damn bitch things.. it’s becouse of what???? becouse of friends..
sooner or later, or rite now,,
i have to transform back to my old me. who are untalkative, secretive, but become more stronger than before n of course more outspoken and let other down before they hit me down.. i hate others. i’ll become more selfish than before n be a real sharp silent heart breaker.who wanna break their heart?? so,, let’s be my friends.
“friend not break their relationship, but other friend, will be a silent heart breaker or maybe back stabber.”